Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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