I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
