This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
