i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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