apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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