There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
