I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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