Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
