WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
