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• (212): View more from New York

  he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings

  (718): View more from New York

  He can't hurt my feelings

  (718): View more from New York

  I don't have feelings.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

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• (456): View more from

  im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

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• (530): View more from California

  Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  The problem with that is that my car has been stolen

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.

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• (949): View more from California

  I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent

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