you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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