I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
