if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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