that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
