Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
