It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
