I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
