wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
