The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Everything about him screamed your future.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize