So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
