Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Someone signed my nipple.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
