I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
