Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
