i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
