Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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