I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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