im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
