I got chris browned last night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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