Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
