i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
