Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
