Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize