Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
