Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
