so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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