Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
