so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
