i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
