I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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