good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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