dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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