a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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