I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
