Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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