i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
