I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
