So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
