All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
