I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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