I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
