dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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