Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
