There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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