Ketchup is God's man juice
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
