if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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