I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
