I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
