I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
