I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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