Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I could fuck to npr.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
