I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize