What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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