This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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