Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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