Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
